Ali & Hari's Compassionate Neighbours story

Heart of Kent Hospice’s Compassionate Neighbours Project was launched in January 2020 to tackle social isolation and loneliness for those living with a life-limiting illness or frailty in Maidstone, Tonbridge and Malling and surrounding towns and villages.

One of our latest Compassionate Neighbours success stories is that of Ali and Hari's match. Here is what Ali had to say of her experience so far:

I joined the Compassionate Neighbour Team a year after my dear Dad passed away. Dad had Mum and I with him during his illness, and he often commented how lucky he was, and how hard it must be for people living on their own, with distant or no family.  This troubled him a lot and is what inspired me to enquire about how I could help at HoKH as a volunteer.  Finding out about the Compassionate Neighbour Scheme was perfect for me, as still working full time, I can fit it in during evenings and weekends.  

Hari and I were first matched in November 2022…and we haven’t stopped talking since!

Although from different decades, backgrounds, culture, religion, we both clicked straight away.  Our love of travel, photography, food, spices, TV series – and our joint interest in hearing about each other’s family, upbringing and general life – means we never struggle to find something to talk about.

Ali Stroud Compassionate Neighbour

Hari has had a terminal illness for 14 years and he is happy to share details of his cancer journey with me, explaining about his varied treatments and procedures, which helps me to understand and be there when suits him best.   When Hari is in treatment, we don’t see each other as much as we would like as Hari stays with his sister in North London, local to the hospital but we message or talk to each other on the phone.  

Hari’s son and daughter, and their families, live in Australasia and normally Hari would visit them each year for 3 months.  However, due to Covid and his recent treatments, Hari has been unable to visit for the last 4 years.  So, being part of the Compassionate Neighbour scheme is particularly important for Hari, to have regular company, especially during the gruelling treatment schedule that stretched over most of last year.    

As cancer treatment does for too many people, it took its toll on Hari’s strength, energy and mental health, plus losing his hair – so having someone familiar to talk with or see, when he needed it, was so important.  And, for anyone thinking of joining, I can assure you it is very rewarding for the volunteer too, as you feel you are making a difference in someone’s life, along with gaining a valuable friendship.  Hari often gives me advice or tips, that I missed getting from my Dad.  

When times are better for Hari health wise, we really enjoy going for long walks, ending at the local Costa for a coffee – sitting chatting for ages.  On days when he is not feeling so good, we do the same at his home – drink our favourite ginger and lemon tea, and chat! Some weekends we go out for lunch together and on occasional evenings, Hari may invite me over for a meal and to watch a film, although this doesn’t always happen as we are too busy talking!    

On Christmas Day this year, we had the pleasure of Hari’s company, when he joined Mum and I for dinner.  Having Hari round made our day extra special, as it would have been very quiet with just the two of us – and I hope Hari felt the same.  

Thankfully Hari is feeling much better and has successfully completed his chemo course for now, so we are able to go out for long walks again in the Spring sunshine – and Hari is also delighted that his grey hair has grown back black! If Hari keeps well then, we are planning some more trips out – maybe to the coast, weather permitting! 

We are so lucky to have been matched together and each week I look forward to our catchups.  Two people who met via the Compassionate Neighbour scheme, who now have a great mutual friendship.