Hilary and her horses

Many people struggle to talk about dying - 27% find it hard to discuss it with family or friends, and 30% keep their feelings to themselves - which can make coping with loss even harder.

Last year, where we have known the person’s preferred place of death we have achieved this in 88% of cases, upholding personal choice and preserving dignity. The vast majority of those under our care choose to stay at home, where they feel most comfortable and are surrounded by the life they built. People like Hilary, who kindly let us share her hospice experience.

Hilary was always destined to work with horses. A lifelong love of horses, Thoroughbreds in particular, led to the opportunity to pursue her passion alongside two like‑minded friends. The creation of their Thoroughbred business led to a career-defining moment at Royal Ascot in 2019, when their first bred foal became a notable contender in the Windsor Castle Stakes.

Liz Donohoe, Senior Clinical Nurse Specialist, Hospice Community Team, tells us about this remarkable woman.

“Animals are an important part of Hilary’s life.  She has two dogs and a cat, but she especially loves horses.  She has bred racehorses for many years.  

When Hilary was diagnosed with MND around two years ago she was determined to keep working for as long as she could.  Until recently she was still very much in charge.  She’s not a lady to give up easily.   

Last year Hilary was referred to the Hospice Community Team.  Since then, my colleagues and I have focused on supporting Hilary to live as well as possible at home. 

I work to keep Hilary’s pain under control and liaise on her behalf with other healthcare professionals such as the neuro rehab team. 

Hilary is now confined to a wheelchair and has lost the use of her arms and legs.  She seems pretty good at keeping her spirits up, but I know she struggles to cope with the loss of her mobility.

For some time, Hilary had not been able to visit her horses in the paddock, and I knew she really missed them. 

One day, I was due to visit Hilary, and I decided to surprise her.  I took along my colleague, Amanda, and between us we got Hilary across the cobbles and the field to the paddock.  

Hilary has a lovely smile and her face lit up when she saw the horses.  They came right up to her and I could tell that they recognised her voice.  I lifted up her arm so she was able to touch them.

I believe this meant a lot to Hilary and it was an incredibly rewarding experience for me and Amanda too.  It’s an example of how the hospice team provides care in a truly holistic way.”

One of Hilary’s horses, Wild Goose (but who she bred with the name George), recently raced at Kempton. Hilary would have liked to attend but she didn’t want George to be distracted. Hilary recalls the last time she met with George last year. Incredibly and despite not having seen him for a long time, he still recognised her voice. Although Hilary was unable to reach up and touch him, she lifted her head, and he kissed her. ”It was wonderful,” she said.

Hilary added: “I’ve been so lucky to have such a wonderful palliative care nurse in, Liz. She has gone above and beyond to help me do the things I have always loved. Hospice care is not just about treating the physical aspects of an illness, but also about the mental and emotional aspects too. Liz's consideration for my well-being has been exceptional. She is my champion and I can always trust her. She gets things done!”