Children's mental health week -Hannah, Hattie and Elliot's story

This week (3-9 February) is Children's mental health week. At Heart of Kent Hospice we support the whole family, this includes the children and young people who are affected by their loved one's life limiting illness. Children and young people’s mental health can be affected during this difficult time. Our Family Support Drop-in sessions are held monthly at the hospice, providing as safe and welcoming environment for children and young people, as well as the parents and extended family.

We spoke Hannah whose mother Shirley was under our care. Hannah attended the Family drop-in with her children, and here she shares the families experience:

"We first heard about the family sessions during the Monday Hub Drop-in Service for patients and carers, which I attended with my mum and stepfather. We attended our first family drop-in session at the end of September 2024. By this point, my Mum’s prognosis was clear. Mum was very clear about her end-of-life wishes and so we knew that the hospice would play a significant part in the journey we were about to undertake. We chose, as a family, to be open and honest with the children (Elliot, 10 and Hattie, 8) about what was happening.

We rode our bikes to the family session, and attended together with my mum and stepdad, and my brother and his daughter. The children enjoyed the session; Hattie made some earrings and played with the toy kitchen and Elliot decorated (a lot of!) cakes and played some computer games with another boy of a similar age. The staff were warm and welcoming, and chatted to the children as they worked their way around the activities.

Three days later, Mum was admitted to the Inpatient Unit for symptom management, where she would stay for two weeks. The children had a very close relationship with Nan, saw her daily prior to her illness, and were keen to visit her. Thanks to the family session, they had no worries about visiting the hospice. It felt like a familiar and happy place to them, thanks to the time they had already spent there. We spent time together, mostly in the family room, where the children brought games in from home or out from the lounge area to play with each other and Nan. They shared news about their days and felt very relaxed and happy to be able to see her.

We attended our second family session a few weeks later, and by this time, Mum was back home but too unwell to attend with us.  The children were very much looking forward to attending again and had asked a number of times in advance when we were going back. Again, they engaged with a number of art and craft sessions, carving pumpkins and decorating Halloween biscuits and doing autumnal paintings. They were pleased to see some familiar faces, and staff welcomed them warmly. The children commented on how the staff had remembered their names! After the session, the children had lunch with a couple of the other children who had also attended the session. The children were excited to show Nan their biscuits and artwork when they got home.

The staff never prompted the children to talk about Nan, and the children saw the sessions as something fun to do, in a comfortable setting, surrounded by friendly, warm people who they chatted to happily as they enjoyed the activities.

Through speaking with Victoria, the Social Worker at Heart of Kent Hospice who facilitates the family sessions, she completed a referral to an outside organisation, who then were able to provide further support to the children in school in the form of four therapeutic sessions. These were well timed, with two pre and two post bereavement. The children engaged with a number of activities; they made memory boxes, and fingerprint family trees - which they were able to bring home for Nan to add her fingerprint to - and both of these take pride of place in their bedrooms. Again, the children were never under any pressure to talk about Nan, although they chose too sometimes. The last session was the day before her funeral and therefore, the children were prepared on what to expect and how people might be feeling.

Mum died three months ago now, and a few weeks ago we all visited the hospice together to hang a memorial leaf on the tree in the garden. We chose the sunniest side so that her leaf could glimmer in the sunshine. The hospice is still a place that brings us all solace. We visit on bike rides on the weekends with the children and Dave and I sometimes pop in for lunch or elevenses during the week. We know that if any of us, including the children, need any further support over the next two years, that the hospice is there for us, with services that we’ll continue to be able to access."

Elliot said "The family sessions were fun, and I enjoyed them. The staff were very, very kind and helped a lot."

Hattie said "The family sessions helped me to feel distracted from what was going on with Nan. The staff helped me to carve pumpkins and find stuff if I didn’t know where it was. We know the hospice a lot and don’t feel scared or worried about going there."

We'd like to thank Hannah, Hattie and Elliot for sharing their experiences with us. If you or someone you know is effected by a terminal diagnosis and would benefit from speaking to our Family Support Team about our family drop-in session, please email fst@hokh.co.uk or call the Hospice on 01622 792200.

Join us at our next Family Drop-in sessions: